I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
