The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
