the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
