You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
