Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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