is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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