i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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