I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
