Soap is not a condiment
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
