Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
