I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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