I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
