was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
