just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
