Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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