Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
