Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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