dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
