He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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