Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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