YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
