I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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