i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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