I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
