you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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