your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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