She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
