I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
