so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
