somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
