well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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