I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is classic penis vs brain.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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