let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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