Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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