So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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