i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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