he thought i was a dude.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
