Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
