You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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