Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How does one acquire holy water?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
