we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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