i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
