haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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