Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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