If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Who died my cat blue again?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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