nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
