is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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