I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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