Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.

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(602): View more from Arizona

just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him

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(805): View more from California

On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?

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