she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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